cause college is just a crazy ground.
it’s where you find yourself, see the light, laugh your life off, figure out who you are and what you want to be and how you’ll get there and finally get there ultimately.
unless you don’t .
cause college grinds you, chews on you, stomps on you, mushes you together until you are pushed out in strings like processed meat. until you can’t anymore. until you feel like crawling into a dark hole and hiding in your covers all day because that’s how you’re supposed to improve. apparently. feel like shit first, fail a couple times, die a couple times, then maybe one day when you’re eighty you’ll succeed.
college is good because it’s grueling. because it smashes you to pieces until you’re crawling. until you’re a baby but an abused baby. a screaming baby. until you can’t take it anymore because college has made you found your passion but also sucked some life out of you. because maybe college made you a stronger person but also made you die a little bit inside. lose some of that childhood livelihood, lose some of that spark of dream you still had inside of you.
because college is where you find yourself. it’s where you have the time of your life, that last bit of teenagedom, that last part of freedom where you can still drive recklessly, get drunk to the arms of strangers, lips on lips, bare skin on skin. when you can jump off buildings, break rules, wink at your crush. the last chance to try rapping and breakdancing, coding and rowing. because this is our time. because we are still young and anything is okay. anything is possible.
dreams are still dreams. futures are still futures.
until reality jumps back, hits you in the face like a one-way jet train. until you're knocked over, strong, by the force of the wind, awashed by the burden of the rain, the blinding of the sun. until you are knocked over by that train, the train you were meaning to catch, because - was it supposed to take you somewhere? but you’re struggling, stuck, laying on the train tracks dead. but not dead.
emotional pain stings.
because college is shit and nobody tells you that. nobody would admit it. the truth is stupid. honesty is the worst policy. authenticity is showing your vulnerability and no one wants that. social media is plastered with fake smiles and meaningless corporate promotion. “this is the best choice I’ve made. I’m so happy.” really.
if everyone’s so happy then why do people still have problems? why is the internet filled with lonely souls, what is this telling us, what are people feeling, what are they trying to say?
because college is shit. nobody tells you that. it’s a bipolar five year-old who jumps up and down. except it’s not cute. it’s just a fucking monster that vomits at you. but calm down, they tell me. calm down, I tell myself. look at all the people who have graduated. look at all the people living in the world now. if you can’t get through a small challenge, then how will you live?
I don’t know. because college makes you question yourself. it makes you step on burning stones, swallow fire. it extends you until you are dough being pulled by on all sides. because college may be shit but maybe that’s the only way it can be. that’s the only way we can gradually transition into the real world out there - the cruel, harsh, arcane entity that no one can define. because if college is bad, then the real world is the end as we know it.
because even if it kills, perhaps it's for our own good. short-term death for long-term contentment. so here’s to college - cheers, why don't we drink ourselves to numb the pain.